Serpentine Rants
by Twillight Bunny
Summary: Even gorgons get a little bitchy sometimes...


Ugh. Another human seems to be approaching.

Seriously, why can't they all just stay wherever they came from, maybe find some nice wench then mindlessly procreate? It's really not that bad a deal, you know. It must be nice, being able to have sex whenever you want like that.

Not like us gorgons.

Oh sure, we've got that whole look-in-my-eyes-and-turn-to-stone-thing, but it sucks when every member of your species is female just like you. I mean, would it kill the sisters of fate to create a male gorgon every once in a while? Really, it's not like it's a totally selfish wish,either. If we had a guy gorgon around here, then the sisters wouldn't have to forge us from magic all the time. Zeus knows we're more than ready to multiply ourselves, for crying out loud!

Oh come on. Don't give me that look.

He's the friggin' father of Olympus, master of everything we see blah blah blah whatever. Of course he knows. It's a pretty sensitive issue amongst us gorgons, and I guess that's why he made Euryale so powerful. Apparently, _someone_ needed to keep all us 'perpetually horny' gorgons in check, and Euryale just _happened_ to be that someone. That little (okay so she's huge. Like I give a minotaur's ass.) bitch must be the world's greatest suck up.

Just like her sisters.

Medusa would have blown a cyclops if someone told her it would make her more powerful. Just between you and me, I'm kinda glad what's-his-name offed her. And don't even get me started on Fury. "Oh mighty Baacus, your power is only matched by your valour and skill in battle..." Ick. They should have been called the Gorghore Sisters for all I care. You might be wondering why I'm so bitchy about them, and I just want you to know one thing: Who cares what you think? If I want to be bitchy, then by Zeus I'll _**be**_ as bitchy as I want!

You think I actually enjoy what I do?

It's been like what, three hundred years and what do I have to show for it? A pile of rubble I saved, from the especially cute warriors that were smashed once they turned to stone. Okay, so they all tried to skewer me with their little weapons and everything, but to be honest it's a lot better than the way the other monsters treat us.

Incredible, isn't it? Maybe it's something in the water around these parts, but I swear every male minion of the sisters has hit on me at least once. I mean, I have my pride, you know? If I hear another "wanna meet _my_ snake?" comment I'm sure I'm gonna snap. Who the hell do they think they're kidding, anyway? At least the cyclopses (cyclopi?) don't bother me that much, but it not because of any chivalry or such.

I've made it a point to turn their…_fun bits _to stone if they ever tried anything with me, and after all this time they know better than to mess with me. Those minotaurs _are _built I guess, but it still doesn't make up for all the drooling they do.

Seriously, eew.

I've seen a harpy and a minotaur go at it once, and it was **nasty**. And not even the good kind of nasty, you know? The oh-my-god-eew-eew-eew-gross kind. Feathers and ropes of saliva was just flying all over the place, and to this day I still can't believe harpies bend that way.

Oh, and those undead guys?

Even worse.

It's kind of surprising, given the fact they're basically walking carcasses, but they can be total pigs when it comes to women. Why oh why did the sisters even bother creating them with working crotches? I suppose it's because they needed some way to think, and brains were just a tad too pricey for the well. Not like they weren't doing that before they died, anyway.

Heh.

Harpies are a whole different story. They're absolute sluts, not to mention total gossips. Sure, they call it 'intelligence gathering', but you know as well as I do it's all a scam. Those harpies love nothing better than to dig up some dirt on someone, then quickly spread it to everyone. At least we get news from the outside world here on the Island of Creation that way, though I doubt it's accurate. I mean, really. A giant statue comes to life in Rhodes?

Whatever!

Hey, whoever it is seems to be coming closer. Time to get my scare on. Those footsteps are getting louder, and I'm kind of hoping it's someone cute. All he has to do is turn the corner and...oh Zeus damn it all.

White skin, blood red tattooes, angry glare.

_It's what's-his-name! _

A/N: Well? This is my first fic for this fandom, hope you guys enjoy…read and review please, I'll be your best friend…


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